In God Makes the Rivers to Flow; An Anthology of the World’s Sacred Poetry & Prose, Eknath Easwaran includes a selection from Brother Lawrence entitled “The Practice of the Presence of God.”  I’ve written the following poem-like reflections inspired by this selection.

It Is Good

God knoweth best what is needful for us, and all that he does is for our good. If we knew how much he loves us, we should always be ready to receive equally and with indifference from his hand the sweet and the bitter. All would please that came from him. The sorest afflictions never appear intolerable, except when we see them in the wrong light. When we see them as dispensed by the hand of God, when we know that it is our loving Father who abases and distresses us, our sufferings will lose their bitterness and become even matter of consolation.

—Brother Lawrence

God, I forgive you.

I forgive you for the first time I became obsessed with a man who didn’t love me.

I forgive you for all the signs I thought you gave me that he was the one.

I forgive you for the second time I became obsessed with a man who didn’t love me.

I forgive you for all the signs I thought you gave me that he was the one.

I forgive you for letting me make a fool of myself over him.

I forgive you for the third time I became obsessed with a man who didn’t love me.

I forgive you for all the signs I thought you gave me that he was the one.

I forgive you for letting me make a fool of myself over him.

I forgive you for all the voices I heard that told me I was destroying everything.

I forgive you for the first time I was hospitalized for a psychotic break.

I forgive you for the initial diagnosis of schizophrenia.

I forgive you for letting me give up my Ph.D. in creative writing.

I forgive you for my lost career as a creative writing professor.

I forgive you for giving me endometriosis.

I forgive you for my hysterectomy.

I forgive you for the children I never had.

I forgive you for all the jobs I’ve hated.

I forgive you for letting me go off my medication.

I forgive you for letting me give up my MA in comparative religion.

I forgive you for letting me get involved with a controlling and critical man.

I forgive you for the delusions that told me he was the one.

I forgive you for letting me make a fool of myself over him.

I forgive you for the second time I was hospitalized for a psychotic break.

I forgive you for the time I was restrained.

I forgive you for the time my rights were violated.

I forgive you for the forced blood draw.

I forgive you for all the times I was forced to take medication.

I forgive you for putting me in a group home.

I forgive you for letting me stay with a friend of my ex-boyfriend.

I forgive you for the time my ex-boyfriend came over uninvited.

I forgive you for letting me run away.

I forgive you for the days I spent living out of my car.

I forgive you for the days I spent living on the streets when my car ran out of gas.

I forgive you for the third time I was hospitalized for a psychotic break.

I forgive you for the catheter that was inserted against my will.

I forgive you for the forced injections.

I forgive you for admitting me to a state psychiatric hospital.

I forgive you for letting my landlord’s granddaughter steal my things.

I forgive you for all the years I spent depressed.

I forgive you for my addictions to staying in bed late and taking unneeded naps.

I forgive you for all the weight I’ve gained.

I forgive you for all the businesses I’ve failed at.

I forgive you for my poverty.

I forgive you for all the time and money I’ve wasted.

I forgive you for all the friends I’ve lost.

I forgive you for the husband I never had.

I forgive you for all the times and ways my heart has been broken.

God, I forgive you.

And, God, I thank you for all the things I forgive you for.

I thank you for every moment of suffering and all the ways I’ve grown.

I thank you for the story you’ve given me to tell.

I thank you for all the problems you designed for my enlightenment.

You gave me my life out of love for me.

For all of my life I’ve lived, I thank you.

I see it, and it is good.