In God Makes the Rivers to Flow; An Anthology of the World’s Sacred Poetry & Prose, Eknath Easwaran includes a selection from Swami Paramananda entitled “O Infinite Being.” I’ve written the following poem-like reflections inspired by this selection.
Spider Weaving
Lead us from delusion to the Light of Wisdom.
—Swami Paramananda
Once I thought that I was well
I didn’t need my medication
I thought a man I met was the One
I thought I loved him
I thought I had awakened
I thought I would be a spiritual teacher
that people would come to me and give me money
just because I was awakened
I thought that I could change the world
It wasn’t long before my thoughts got dark
The man I met and dated became Satan
His friend was Jesus Christ
And all men wanted was to hurt me
and the women of the world
Women were committing suicide to save themselves
and men were starving because
they didn’t know how to cook
I was running away to protect myself
I was in love with Jesus
but he wasn’t kind
He was like Satan with his controlling mind
He took away the writing that I loved
and said I couldn’t write like him
He said he couldn’t take me in
if I tried to be like him
Satan and Jesus were at war
dueling with colored light
as I lay in a hospital bed
in hell
And I was God and had been waiting
all my life to meet Jesus
I had hidden myself within the dimensions
and made myself human
and willed myself to forget
who I really was
And now Jesus was playing God
and creating a new reality
The slaves in hell were hungry
and I was the only one who ate
because I was the Queen of the Dead
who had run away from hell to be born
and into Satan’s arms
We made and ate demon food
even though I was an angel
and Satan thought I was a demon
He didn’t know I was his escaped queen
In the hospital in hell
I was guarded by demons
who only knew how to lie
and I could lie like the rest of them
I was Quiet Lion
I was Spider Weaving
Satan was a swan
When my meals came
I knew what was safe
and what was poison
But I didn’t recognize the poison
in my mind
Hell is the realm of one’s delusion
Hell is what we create with our mind
Unless we enter the light
and find the wisdom
With my mind
the door to wisdom was a daily pill
but only I could open it
and still I stand in the entrance
gazing at the light
longing for the Lord of Love
to take my hand and guide me
into the heavenly realm
where my mind is only filled with light.
