In Spring of 2008, as I was driving past Unity of Kalamazoo I saw an advertisement for Oprah’s A New Earth webcasts with Eckhart Tolle. And I thought: a church that would promote A New Earth is a church that I could belong to.
Other than visiting a Unitarian Universalist Church a couple times, I hadn’t attended church for the two years I’d been living in Kalamazoo. Prior to that, I had attended an interfaith ashram for about two years, after being horrified by a man at my parents’ church circulating a petition for the defense of marriage act.
Before Unity
By that time in my life, I already believed that all the major religions and most minor religions were legitimate paths to the same God. I questioned what kind of Christian that made me, if I could consider myself a Christian at all.
I’d been exploring spiritual teachings beyond traditional Protestant Christianity ever since my first major depression in 1997-1998. And Eckhart Tolle was one of the writers I had come to love.
Experiencing Unity
I decided to visit Unity of Kalamazoo. And I kept attending for years.
At first, I embraced Unity with whole-hearted enthusiasm. The teachings had a magical quality for me.
Unity teaches that we are all expressions of the divine, that we are all one. Jesus is seen as unique because he fully realized his divinity. He is the example we should follow. By living according to certain spiritual principles, we can heal ourselves of illnesses, attract prosperity, and create our own reality.
Unity teaches using tools such as affirmations, denials, visualizations, and meditation to alter consciousness, thereby changing reality for the better.
Loving What Is
Through Unity, I was introduced to some writers I hadn’t read, most notably Byron Katie. The class I took on Byron Katie’s Loving What Is facilitated a profound spiritual shift in my thinking.
In Loving What Is, Byron Katie teaches a form of cognitive therapy called “The Work,” which encourages us to question our thoughts and turn them around.
Back in 2009, when I took the class, I had a constant stream of destructive self-criticism racing through my mind. I constantly wrote in my journal about being a failure. Because of “The Work,” I started to stop myself and question my thoughts, asking, “Is that true?”
One day, while I was writing in my journal, I realized that I didn’t have to believe my destructive thoughts. I could turn them around into more positive thoughts. I felt so much better, I thought I had had an awakening.
For the next 10 months, I lived in a state of profound excitement and enthusiasm, despite spending most of that time out of work and some of that time in an unhealthy relationship. I saw everything through rose-colored glasses.
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, the excitement didn’t last.
The Dark Side
Not all of Unity’s teachings had a positive impact on me. The teaching that we could heal ourselves of our illnesses led me to go off my medication in December of 2008. And the teaching that we could attract prosperity through positive thinking kept me from looking for a job in 2009 when I desperately needed one.
Granted, these teachings wouldn’t have had that effect if I weren’t already delusional.
In December of 2009, I had a complete psychotic break. I spent so much time institutionalized in 2010, I’ve dubbed it “the year of the mental hospital.” In 2011, I returned to Kalamazoo and to Unity, but it had changed for me.
Unity After the Breakdown
The teachings no longer felt magical. I was deeply depressed, and I blamed Unity for my decision to go off my medication and the suffering that caused me.
But Unity still helped me. I kept doing “The Work.” And I clung to the idea that I could be happy, that I didn’t have to believe my destructive thoughts. The exuberant music at church frequently made me feel better. And a workshop with Mark Schoofs—author of Soul Freedom, Sacred Aliveness—gave me some relief from my over-powering resentments toward people who had hurt me.
I gradually lost interest in attending services. I missed the Bible. Yet, a part of me still believes Unity teachings.
What I Hold-on To
I read The Daily Word, the devotional publication of the Unity movement, and feel encouraged by its positive messages. And whenever the newsletter from Unity announces a new book for book groups, I read it.
When I encountered Mind Hack by David Bayer and realized that I was still operating according to the limiting belief that “I am a failure,” I thought, “I can use Unity teachings to change this.”
I use denials (“I am not a failure”) and affirmations (“I am a success.”) And I come up with a list of reasons that support my affirmations. And I feel better.
Divine Order
Another teaching of Unity that still helps me is the belief in “divine order.” There is an underlying order to everything that happens, and it all on some level works toward something good.
If I look at my life through the principle of divine order, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing that I went off my medication when I did. It eventually led me to getting the medication and support I needed to recover from psychosis.
And it wasn’t all that bad that I didn’t work for most of 2009. I still managed to attract food, rent, clothing, and some spending money. And I had enough gas in my car to get around. I also had a lot of fun.
And I learned a lot about myself in the relationship that didn’t work out.
It’s possible that my experiences with mental illness will lead me in some way to help other people who have mental illnesses.
The losses I have experienced—like losing my career, never having a family of my own, having many valuables stolen, and losing my father—have deepened me and broken me open. They’ve taught me compassion.
In the end, it’s all good.
The Love Remains
If someone were thinking about attending a Unity Church, I would recommend it without reservations. It may not be my choice of churches right now, but I continue to be blessed and inspired by its teachings.
What About You?
What connection do you have, if any, with Unity teachings? Have you ever left a spiritual tradition or movement? What difference did their spiritual teachings make in your life? Share in the comments.
